Happily Ever After does not exist in marriage. But Beautifully Ever After does!

Dear Friends,

I often come across people talking a lot about getting married, getting settled, etc., First of all, marriage should not be approached as a settlement or end of something. It never will be. Getting Married is not an achievement. Anyone can get married to the someone as long as you spend some money on inviting people and create a ceremony.

Marriage is neither the beginning nor an End. It is the consummation of true Love between people and the beginning of trust relationship between the true lovers. For many individuals who were honest with each other in love during the first phase, marriage is an actual consummation of their beautiful love and help them to take it forward to trusting and long lasting relationship. But even for many, it still a rough road on the way to marriage because they are now trying to understand life by living “for each other.” When they were in love, they were only living live “with each other.” There is a huge difference between “With” and “For.” For those who manage to have an open and honest love life, the sailing becomes smoother after marriage.  Because changing from “with” to “for” is guided by honesty, gratitude, affection, care, trust, etc. Even there is a bump in the life over a period with many of these things getting a huge toll; they still will manage to sail through because of these major characteristics. 

It is so stupid and dumb to believe that marriage is the End of everything and people are going to be “Happily Ever After.” Don’t be mad at me saying there is no happily ever after. Well, honestly there is never going to be happily ever after for anything in your life. Life is always full of happiness and sorrow switching places regularly.

So, if happily ever after does not exist, What should you hope for?

Well, you should hope for “Beautifully Ever After”! What do I mean by that? It means your life will be beautiful always regardless of what happens to you or your partner. I mean your inner beauty, your pure heart, honest mind. With that, You both will keep sometimes fighting, sometimes crying, kicking each other sometimes, laughing together sometimes, laughing at each other sometimes… but your relationship will always be beautiful.

Beautifully ever after exists for many people who does not approach marriage as a social must do function to satisfy themselves and people around them. And who does not start with lies and deceptions? Honesty will lead you to be a truthful and open person. Truth and openness will result in acceptance from the partner. Acceptance will result in “beautifully ever after.” That “Beautifully Ever After”  will make people love each other deeply, accept each other of their weakness and shortcomings.

For those who started their love with lies, deception, and fakeness with each other, the love phase never gets consummated in a positive way. They only are guided by lust and selfishness pressurized by the need of companionship. When such people rush to getting married, it is like building a skyscraper building on top of a 5-foot foundation. So, True Love, Honesty, Integrity, care should be the foundation for any marriage relationship. If not, like the skyscraper on a weak foundation, it will fall very fast.

So, if you want your marriage life to be successful, give time for True Love to Consummate. If you want the true love to consummate, stop cheating each other with all the lies. It may be okay for first few meetings not to discuss yourself in detail because you need to get to date before love. But after a few dates, you must come clear about yourself.  You are who you are based on what happened to you in the past. That cannot be changed. But you can make your life and your life partner’s life successful as a married couple by telling who you were and taking sincere effort in changing who you will be moving forward.

So, don’t focus too much on getting married. Focus on building true, open, honest love relationship in the first place. Never compromise or let the other person compromise in marrying you. Compromise is a negative thing; it will fail eventually. Instead, focus on Acceptance which is the position. For the Acceptance, you have first to tell and show transparently about who you are, what happened in the past in your life and what do you have to offer to change yourself for the partner to build a long lasting marriage. The truth will hurt initially, but it will help eventually! 

I hope with this article, I have laid a foundation for your “Beautifully Ever After” life. If you like it, please share it with as many people. If you have compliments or comments, write to me at sureshkb@digiblitz.com

Sincerely Yours,

Suresh Kannan