Living with pain in the heart!

Sorrow or happiness, are both feelings. But we welcome happiness with complete acceptance but reject sorrow. Why is that? Well, it’s simple, sorrow gives pain and happiness give gain to mind and heart. Instead of lecturing on “how to accept both equally”…” don’t worry”…” start living a happy life” etc. etc., I would like to address how to deal with them practically when it happens to you. First of all, accept that sorrow is a normal human feeling. So, instead of dwelling on what happens it, let’s start working on what are you going to do to yourself if it happens. To put in right perspective let me give few scenarios,1. Your girlfriend breaks up with you explaining her situation blah blah blah. She leaves the place. Now she was only an actor in that situation till the time she talked to you. After that talk, she is not an active actor. Now the two new actors are you and your thoughts. I am not going to give again a lecture on how to control your thoughts. You cannot. Human being is made of millions of cells which are dying every day, and new cells are born. We are who we are based on how our thoughts are getting transferred from the past to current state. So, it is common that our thoughts are going to give is painful experiences. But these thoughts are not transferred to your current state from her. It is from your past state to current state.

2. You lost your loved one in an accident. This pain is deep rooted from the historical time of you two know each other. Or if is is parents or sibling, your cells are having similar DNA and have extended thoughts from them. Part of you is them.

3. Someone demeans you in public. After that event, everyone goes away, and you left with the thoughts. Even more of his words, your thoughts multiply his words with what others would have an interpreter or expanded further.

4. The doctor comes to you and says that you are going to die in 1 month. He goes away; now you need to deal with the thought now only in the current state but also for the future state of mind, tomorrow until you die.

The reason I gave few scenarios is to make sure in insist the word thoughts. Yes, you just need to deal with your thoughts only. Not someone else’s. Let’s get into how to handle it. When we are made of thoughts both pleasant and unpleasant, we only determine happiness based on how we feed it to our current state of mind or millions of nervous transmitters. You cannot control any of these things. But you can channelize them to in a way that your mind and heart accept them equally. For that I would like to break a big barrier, we carry first of all. Why do we have to be happy? Almost everybody says are you happy? Most of the wellness books and videos talks about happiness are the only thing that is important in life. Let you and me this, a cancer patient in his or her last incurable stage can live happily? No way. Can a person who just was broken by a boyfriend be happy? If anyone advises them to try to be happy, it is fake. It does not help them. So, what is going to help?

Here we go… Since both sorrow and happiness are feelings, you first learn to accept them both equally. We should not try to cut down or reject sorrow. You should not deny it. You actually should enjoy sadness the same way you enjoy happiness. I am not saying you make fools of yourself in front of people by laughing when you are in sorrow. I am suggesting you weep through sorrow. Take it fully deep inside yourself, let it cut through your feelings, emotions the same way you go through happiness. Do exactly similar things when you are in happiness mood like going to movies, playing games, visiting friend, etc. You will not avoid pain this way. But you will learn to live with grief. You actually can enjoy pain as well if you put right attitude towards it. As a karma yogi, keep doing practical activities every day while you are in pain. All your thoughts of negativeness will be gone eventually because you had fed now current state of mind with pleasant pain. You can ask how pain can be pleasurable? Why not? Why happiness only has to be pleasant? As I said, they both come from you only although someone else could be the catalyst. You are who you are based on your thoughts. You feel good or bad based on what you teach yourself.